“Long as your mama love you, don’t ever love [trust] a woman” Wale

Currently sitting where I am…Wale actually has this one right. Its honestly too hard, and the rewards come too far in between, to trust another woman. The Pain I feel today is different. As I begin to write out all the emotions I feel, I quickly erase them because its too many, and my situation is too complex. NOBODY understands. The reason I know this..is because I don’t understand. 

Funny this is..I don’t care too fix it, and my selfish, non-forgiving attitude has me angry and not wanting to find a solution. Last night my boy told me I need to find a “distraction”. Pretty sure he was talking about another female..but ima pass on that. I currently have a great distraction..two distractions. One pays and the other doesn’t require me to spend what Ive earned. *Waves to WORK & SLEEP*

Working from 6am -10pm doesn’t bother me at all…it actually keeps me outta trouble and takes me away from everything. Everyone excuses, lies, advice and Judgement. Everyone has the answers…but nobody was presented with the question…Everyone gives guidance on the situation that isn’t theirs. its honestly sad.

Currently I’m tired. Tired of Lies and Lying. Do I lie…YES. More than I give myself credit for…I walk around, listen to ignorance and ignore  it. Instead of offering advice, I just smh and walk. Part of me, doesn’t care to help and the other half of me knows you don’t care to listen. My lies is me telling you, “thats cool” or “i understand”. Honestly there are more UNcool situations that I never UNDERSTAND. Having this attitude has cost me relationships.

 Some individuals don’t bother with me anymore..More relationships have changed. The ones that have changed…I’ve lost tremendous amount of respect for those individuals because they run from the truth instead of embracing the facts and logic presented to them. I love the few friends I have that tell me the truth REGARDLESS of my feelings. I don’t shield them or kill their desire to be honest with me. 

Now I pray that I can be just as honest with others.  

Thanks Mike, Ezra and Teke. Without you all, Idk where I would get the truth from. Because the ones who claim to love..obviously don’t love enough.